Today is December 1st — Phil and I are celebrating our 5 Year Wedding Anniversary and SO MUCH more! 🙂
Wow, I just read through the 3 posts I wrote as we went through the grueling process of trying to conceive and had to grab the box of tissues. I never shared them, it was more of a way for me to release my feelings through words, something I know I’m good at. I remember so well writing those posts and feeling every bit of hope or pain, depending on where we were in the process.
Fast forward a little over a year from my last post and I’m sitting in our family room on our 5 year wedding anniversary. Phil is holding Harrison, who is sleeping, and I’m sitting here writing this. The Christmas tree we picked out yesterday is in the stand and ready to be decorated. And my heart, it’s filled with so much happiness I could literally burst.
So much happened in a year’s time. Let me try to recap quickly. When I last posted, we were waiting to start our 2nd fresh cycle of IVF. That cycle, too, ended as the first one did. It was exceedingly tougher b/c at some point, one or both of the embryos implanted then had attached to the uterine wall but something happened and that pregnancy ended up not being viable. We’d found out on December 20th last year about Round 2. I remember taking the call at work and quickly leaving, crying the entire way home. Another 2 embryos/babies that we’d lost. My heart was so very sad. We kept the faith though that things really do happen as they should, even when we can’t figure out why.
Round 3 started in January 2017 with a frozen cycle – less intense than the 2 fresh cycles of IVF we’d gone through. We took the 2 frozen embryos we had (1 each from the 2 fresh cycles) and had them implanted on February 10, 2017. I had to wait until February 23 to find out if we were pregnant… but I just had this feeling that I was and I took a home pregnancy test on the 22nd only to have it FINALLY say “PREGNANT”. Phil had just left for work and it was literally around 5am in the morning so I texted him a picture of the test. Words do no justice to tell you how happy I was — finally, we were going to be parents!
My pregnancy was pretty amazing aside from the swollen ankles (which I’m sure everyone was sick of hearing about) — no sickness, great energy for the most part (aside from weeks 8-9 when I just wanted to nap all the time)… I felt as if it flew by – well at least the first 35 weeks… the last 6 weeks were just full of a lot of impatient waiting to meet our little guy. I worked out my entire pregnancy, seeing a personal trainer once a week. Her name is Amy and I cherished that 1 hour a week with her up until late September when I knew it was time to rest until Harrison came along. My doctors wanted me to stay fit and active and encouraged me to do what I could. Every time I worked out, I felt like I was teaching my son how strong his mom was and when I was done, I always felt like a champion. And when it came time for childbirth and ultimately c-section recovery, I could tell all those months of staying fit and active had helped me with the entire process. The recovery from c-section went much smoother than I’d imagined and I’m chomping at the bit to get back to working out again. I’m ready to be a bad-ass fab & fit 40 year old mom this coming year! Watch out world.
That leads me to today — so much for being brief above (I’m not known for my brevity though, ha). Today is our anniversary — there are no cards or flowers and we’re totally OK with that. I remember around year 2 when we decided we’d start trying to conceive. Who knew the grueling journey we’d both take but it was so far and away worth it, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I couldn’t have asked for a better teammate in all of this. Phil is beyond words the best husband, friend, partner and now DAD. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve cried, happily, in the past few weeks, just thinking how amazing he is as a dad or how lucky we are to finally have Harrison. Our perfect little family of 3. Already we get asked about #2 but honestly friends, we are just blessed to have Harrison and we are okay with one baby. He’s everything we could have ever imagined and we are so incredibly blessed. People tell you this is the hardest but most rewarding thing you’ll ever do in your life — but until you actually experience it, you don’t really understand it. Case in point, the first night we were home with H — and we both slept about an hour total. We both agreed we have this perfect little human to protect now. Well, here’s to life as a family of 3 – I look forward to life with my 2 guys — I love them with all my heart. And on our 5 year anniversary, Phil and I celebrate with a day that includes decorating Harrison’s first Christmas Tree, getting a new water heater (oh the romance), and celebrating without cards or gifts b/c we have the very best gift ever sitting now in his rock-n-play hanging out with mom and dad. Cheers to the 1st 5 years and to all the many more to come. I can’t wait to see what’s in store…
Finally, 2 great milestones to celebrate today… 5 years and our little miracle, Harrison. Life certainly has it’s twists and turns but I’d have it no other way… I love this time of year and I am looking forward to spending it with the hubs & Harrison. To Phil, Happy Anniversary. Love you with all my heart. You and Harrison are my world! xoxo
P.S. – For anyone going through IVF, IUI or infertility, this blog post helped me tremendously and was sent to me by a friend. Truly puts into words how the process feels: https://waitingforbabybird.com/2015/10/22/i-was-afraid-you-wouldnt-understand-grieving-lost-embryos/
P.P.S – For anyone struggling with anything, no matter what it is, I can say with confidence that you can get through anything — for me it was about taking the advice constantly give my team — life is about controlling the controllables and letting go of those things you can’t control. You can always control your attitude and your effort. So never give up and stay positive! What you put in is what you’ll get out!